*Originally a guest post on Teresa's Reading Corner, this piece was written by Sam Hilliard, the author of The Last Track: A Mike Brody Novel.So how do writers shoot down the sloth monster that seems a ready-made date for those in such a sedentary profession? Here’s a sample writer’s workout routine. It’s a careful blend of resistance training and aerobics, and of course sensible eating.
NOTE: This strenuous routine may not be appropriate for all writers. Please consult your physician before making any changes in your own diet or physical regimen.
6:40 AM – Crawl from bed to bathroom. Feed cats on return to bed.
6:42 AM – Meditate.
7:59 AM – Beat the alarm clock to pulp for interrupting morning meditation session.
8:10 AM – Steal paper off a neighboring lawn, running back to home quickly so they don’t throw garbage at you again.
8:20 AM – Complain about crappy coffee.
8:45 AM – Shower, dress (in something besides a robe), eat breakfast and read purloined paper.
9:10 AM – Commence Power meditation while positioned horizontally with head supported by pillows.
11:13 AM – Interrupt meditation to curse world for not having written a word.
11:19 AM – Screw around on Internet, checking mail, blogs, Twitter, Facebook and stock quotes. Tell your editor you’re deep into “research” when they call to ask how the book is coming along.
11:59 AM – Write for seven minutes and then make lunch.
12:59 PM – Return from lunch. Resume writing. Break every forty five minutes to stretch or eat something crunchy, whichever feels better.
2:00 PM – Doritos break.
2:17 PM – Mid-day caffeine break.
4:56 PM – Read the day’s pages. Curse world for forcing you to read your own written words.
5:30 PM – Eat a balanced dinner that includes at least one of the following food groups: pizza, tacos, hot dogs, donuts, or beer.
6:10 PM – Think about working out. Just thinking about it usually makes you feel better about not
7:30 PM – Channel surf while holding some form of alcoholic beverage in your other hand.
9:35 PM – Read (hopefully someone else’s work).
11:14 PM – Wake up to cat licking drool off your face, and retire for evening’s meditation, but not before final power snack from one or more of the following food groups: cheez whiz, potato chips, or leftover Chinese.
11:20 PM – Begin evening meditation session.