Nine months ago my first book, a
memoir-in-essays titled Message From a Blue Jay, was released into the world at a launch party hosted by Back
Pages Books in Waltham, Massachusetts. On that magical Friday evening in late
May, friends, writing colleagues, and a handful of strangers settled themselves
into rows of fold-up chairs, smiled toward the podium, and listened as I read
sections from two essays in the book. When the reading portion of the evening was
done, a line formed so that I could sign copies of the book. The cash register
kept ringing, and well-wishers chatted as they enjoyed cookies and cake. It was
the night many first-time authors imagine with anticipation—the night when the
dream you’ve nurtured all your life is transformed into a real-life moment.
What follows is different for
every author. The select few who are published by large houses move on to book
and media tours paid for by publishers and arranged by their publicists. The
majority, who are published by smaller houses, might arrange their own readings
at bookstores and libraries, explore ways to market new books online, or
purchase copies at a discount to sell at literary events. They will look to
their publishers for advice and support, but will pound the pavement largely on
their own. Many will check their book’s ranking on Amazon periodically and try
to guess what it means when a book jumps from rank 353,000 to 83,000 one day,
and then drops to 827,000 three days later. Their book is, after all, one of millions
of books sold online.
When an author’s first royalty
check finally arrives, the reality of what it usually means to be a debut
author hits home. This can be a surprising and humbling moment. When I received
my latest royalty check, for example, I joked with the hard-working, confidence-infusing
owner of my publisher, Buddhapuss Ink, that I was headed out the door to buy a
private jet. Ever the optimist, she asked if I minded buying that jet one wing
nut at a time.
It’s that moment when it can be tempting to lose sight of the original
dream. Just a short time ago, all you wanted was to find a publisher who would
say “yes” to your manuscript. All you desired was see the words you had
agonized over in the early mornings and late at night bound into professionally
published pages. You imagined turning your book over and over in your hands, seeing
it published and real. What was important, then, was the hard work you’d done to
create something you believed in—something true to yourself, to your artistic
vision, and yes…to your dream. How that dream would rank on Amazon was the
furthest thing from your mind.
When the reality hits, it is
tempting to start thinking, “What can I do to make my next book sell better?
Should I switch genres and write something that might be more popular? Should I
produce something that’s really marketable?”
It’s understandable that for many,
the answer is “yes.” Who doesn’t want to succeed in the industry or endeavor
they’ve chosen? Who doesn’t want to be more successful?
But aye, there’s the rub. We each
have to define the word “successful” in our own way. “Success” means different
things to different people. In fact, it can mean different things to the same
person at different stages of life.
So lately I’ve asked myself,
“What does ‘successful’ mean to me?” I’ve never defined myself by any kind of
financial achievement, but I have
been caught in the trap of defining my success by parameters set by others. Like
many authors, for example, I worried about who would review my book and whether
it would be mentioned in top literary journals or publications. I also checked
those rankings on Amazon, wondering what it meant when those crazy numbers rose
or fell.
The big reviewers didn’t review Message From a Blue Jay. They rarely pay
attention to personal essay collections by debut authors who are published by
small houses. As for those numbers on Amazon? I noticed recently that when I
purchased a single copy of the book myself (to make it easy to mail it to a
relative), its ranking jumped.
In retrospect, however, I realize
that my book was reviewed by some
very important reviewers—readers. They posted those reviews on Amazon, Barnes
and Noble, and other online review sites (thank you!). I also received reviews
in the form of personal notes and letters from readers who said they were
deeply touched by my essays. Some said the book made them think about things
they hadn’t considered. Others said that after reading it, they felt less
alone. A few had met me personally once or twice, or not at all, but now felt
that I was a friend.
A long time ago, I had a dream. I
dreamed that I would publish a book. But as I traveled through life and through
the publishing process, I realized that the dream was more complicated than
that. What I wanted was to live fully by working hard and doing my best. Then, I
wanted to throw that “best” out into the world and say, “See, I am here!” so that
I might find others who would say, “I am here, too!”
I have found them, those voices
saying, “I am here, too!” And I don’t think I could have found them by writing
anything other than Message From a Blue
Jay.
So, I guess I can say my first
book is successful. I’ll just buy that private jet one wing nut at a time.
© 2015 Faye Rapoport
DesPres
Faye Rapoport DesPres has spent much of
her writing career as a journalist and business/non-profit writer. In 2010 she
earned her MFA from Pine Manor College, where she focused on creative
nonfiction.
Her journalism has appeared in The New York
Times, Animal Life, Trail, Timberline and other publications. Her personal
essays, fiction, and poetry have been published in Ascent, Superstition
Review, and Connotation Press: An Online Artifact, as well as other
journals, magazines, and anthologies. Currently, DesPres is an adjunct
first-year writing instructor at Lasell College. She lives in the Boston area
with her husband and their rescued cats. Message from a Blue Jay -- Love, Loss, and
One Writer's Journey Home is her first book.
Thanks, Faye, for an inspiring, and thought-provoking piece!
READERS: We hope you enjoyed this week's edition of our #WW
Writer Wednesday Series and that we'll see you again next week when our guest is Mariam Kobras who will be talking about knowing when to end a series. Until then, "Butt in chair,
WRITE!
~ The Black Cat
Buddhapuss Ink LLC is
proud to be a small, but solid house known for great fiction and nonfiction
books, written for readers with brains by authors who have more than just one
book in them.
